Today I was in a store that sells sunglasses and ONLY sunglasses. A young lady walked over to me and asked, “What brings you in today?”
I looked at her and said, “I’ve come to buy a refrigerator.”
I was thinking about old age, and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you’re just too tired to bounce it.
When people see a cat’s litter box they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat?”
Just once I’d like to say, “No, it’s for company!”
Employment application blanks always ask which number they should call in case of an emergency. I think you should answer, “911 – and ask for an ambulance.”
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Did you ever notice that the Roman numerals for forty (40) are XL.
The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s REALLY in trouble.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me … I want people to know WHY I look this way. I’ve traveled a long journey, and some of the roads weren’t paved.
You know you’re getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Being young is beautiful. Ah, but being old is comfortable.
May you always have love to share, cash to spare, and friends who care.
Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder, and your hand over my mouth.